letter

dear M,

you know how much i care? a whole lot. its been a week without seeing and speaking to you and i wonder if im ever going to get past this. im glad at a coffee shop, i wont bawl and make an embarassing scene. i miss you, M. do you know, you were everything to me? the love of my life? how did this happen, love? I am trying hard to go on… but all i have is a blank face and i feel my eyes have dried out from crying and i cannot cry anymore. i wonder if youll ever come back to me. I learned at church today that God closes door and opens windows. I believe that God closed the door between us for a reason. It hurts a whole lot, M. But i hope and hope and pray AND continue to pray that you will find your way and find a way back to me. I hope to be with you to go back to God, M. I know youre lost. I will just be patient, as the voice in the back of my head keeps saying. If we were not meant to be, I can understand. It just hurts a whole lot and i feel like im still in this shock state.

i thought id never lose you again.

with love

S

carrying on

the days are going by too slow. i wonder how he feels. i dont know if i should cry today or right now. but i feel so down. i wish i could make this all go away and not have to think about him. i feel like its only getting worse.  i hate to pretend like i say im okay when truly, a twister is brewing inside.

this hurts too much, i cant even cry.

or nevermind.

so is this how a broken heart feels like? i got dumped. unexpectedly. the week before, he told me he will always love me, a month before he told me we would be together seriously someday. how did this happen? it hurts too much to think of a third party. now, he loves me as a friend and he “cant be my boyfriend anymore”.

i want to carry on.

 

but this hurts too much.